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Friends Only

Posted on 2007.07.10 at 10:01
I always wanted this journal to be public, but things have shifted in my life and I no longer feel comfortable with it being public. I will, however, add you if you are interested in raw foods and health! So, please don't hesitate to let me know if you'd like me to add you.

If you have read about raw foods, you'll sometimes hear about going through detox--not just physical detox, but emotional detox. Well, the emotional detox has been much more obvious for me than the physical one! It's because of that detox that I now need to keep this journal as friends-only.

Happy eating and healthy living to all of you!

Lots and lots of love to everyone!


May 1

Posted on 2007.05.01 at 09:07
Well, it's the beginning of another month and I'm still raw. Yay for me! :-D Since I started 100% raw in the middle of December, that makes me 4 1/2 months raw. That's not overly long, but it's still great!

I've been having cravings more lately. I don't know if it's from stress, from my body detoxing from the things I'm craving (as some raw foodists believe), or from cutting back on the more gourmet raw foods that are similar to cooked foods (at least for my taste buds). I try to analyze the craving...what is it that I'm looking for? Is it salt, sugar, fat, sour, etc.? It usually works, and the craving goes away. I just noticed that the cravings are a lot more recently. In the beginning, I don't think I really had many cravings, if any at all. The things I've been craving are things like pizza, grilled cheese, pasta with some sort of cheese sauce or oil and garlic. It's all seeming like mostly the fat and salt that I want, but the pizza craving the other day seemed to be telling me that I wanted the sauce (which would include the oil and salt). So, I'm probably going to make those nut balls with marinara that taste so yummy.

I'm down just three pounds this month, since I gained two and had to lose that in addition to what my body is naturally shedding. So, really I lost five pounds this past month, but it only counts as three. I like the way my body is responding, seeming to change faster than the weight loss. My mind still isn't caught up with my body, however, and I still don't want to wear clothes that can show what I look like. I'm still wearing my same clothes, but I have to rely on a belt to keep my jeans up. One pair of jeans can't be worn in public anymore because they look so ridiculous. The pair I have been wearing the most used to only come up half way on my butt and I'd wear a long shirt over it. I had to buy them, because I couldn't find anything else at the time that would fit (because all the jeans were that style where they are hip huggers with tight thighs). Now they fit like a "normal" pair of jeans, coming up to my waist and not being tight in the legs at all. My daughter wants me to get new tops because most of my tops are too big in the arms and they droop down and you can see right in, under my arm, to my arm pits and sides of my torso. I'm not ready for new clothes, though. The psychologist I see said that someday my mind will catch up with my body and I won't be uncomfortable with the whole change. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with losing the weight--I want to be healthy. I'm just uncomfortable with the idea that people will be looking at me. No one really looks at fat people much, except to maybe think that they are fat. I can handle that kind of stuff, feeling hurt inside and forcing a smile on the outside. Being looked at in the other way, however, I can't handle. That kind of look makes me feel unsafe. Someday I will be strong, I know. I look forward to that day of total freedom--of feeling like I'm alive and I'm not under any threat.

* two bananas
* salad (red leaf, baby romaine, lemon, salt, olive/flax oil, Brazil nuts, pepitos)
* banana
* carob shake (usual way)

glad the bananas are ripe

Posted on 2007.04.30 at 14:58
I'm glad the bananas are ripe. I was telling a good friend the other day how I really like to eat bananas. They take away my hunger, fill me up so that I don't feel like I've eaten next to nothing, and I feel good after eating them. I had a few bunches of bananas and they were taking forever to ripen. Now they are ready. Yay! Just in time because I'm a bit peckish.

* coconut shake (usual recipe without the banana, since I somehow forgot to include it?!)
* baby romaine salad (with lemon, olive/flax oil, salt, thyme, and orange pepper)
* banana
* another coconut shake (usual recipe with the banana, how could I have forgotten that this morning?!)

On the road again

Posted on 2007.04.29 at 20:30
Today I was on the road again, and this time I didn't bring any food to eat that included nuts. I had a lot more energy and felt less like I was going to get a headache like I have been feeling a lot of lately.

* coconut shake in the morning (same as usual recipe)
* two bananas
* small amount of romaine lettuce
* apple
* red pepper slices
* two oranges
* leftover coconut shake upon returning home

I may have had one more banana today, too, but I'm not sure.

on the road

Posted on 2007.04.28 at 21:52
Eating on the road isn't so bad when you are raw. We cut up a bunch of carrots, celery, red peppers and brought along a nut dip (walnuts, parsley, carrots, garlic, salt, lemon) as well as fruit. My family ate more than half of the nut dip and I had to remind them that they had their hummus and chips and crackers and stuff like that to eat. I felt kind of like a jerk saying it, but at the same time once the raw food was gone I'd be left with nothing and they'd still have all kinds of stuff that I wouldn't be able to eat. :-/

* not so great coconut shake because the coconut was way too mature/firm
* carrots, celery, red peppers
* nut dip (ingredients, above)
* orange
* romaine lettuce (with olive/flax oil, lemon, salt, thyme)
* leftover of the not so great shake
* banana

up early and taking a nap

Posted on 2007.04.27 at 17:08
I was up around six this morning, unable to fall back asleep even though I felt that my body was still tired. I watered the seedlings, did some random things around the house, and then around eight I was ready to get back into bed. I crawled in next to my husband and fell into one of those sleeps where every sound makes you jump a bit, but then you are stuck in this sleep where you don't want to be sleeping anymore, you can hear everything going on around you, but you can't bring yourself back to reality and wake up. UGH So, I was stuck in that state for about two hours, before my daughter started talking to me and helped me wake up.

* leftover smoothie that I didn't care for, but didn't want to waste
* salad (romaine, pepitos, Brazil nuts, olive/flax oil, lemon, garlic powder, salt)
* "cheese pierogies" (turnip, cashews/macademia nuts, lemon, nama shoyu, garlic)

can't remember what I ate today

Posted on 2007.04.26 at 19:39
I can't remember what I ate today. I'll try to recall as best as I can.

I know I ate something for breakfast, but I just can't recall what it was. :-/
Salad (romaine, Brazil nuts, pepitos, lemon, salt, garlic powder, Italian herbs)
3/4 of over ripe banana
one orange
shake made with coconut, strawberries, pineapple, dates, hemp powder (it wasn't great)

I think I must have eaten other things, but today my brain isn't recalling much.

Birthday Pie!

Posted on 2007.04.25 at 11:26
My loving family made a raw birthday pie for me! It's not only beautiful, but YUMMY! I took a pic and I'll try to put it here, later.

* piece of pie (sweet almond crust, pineapple, mango, cashew filling topped with shredded coconut and strawberries)
* about 1/4 cup of someone's leftover carob coconut shake from yesterday (not mine, I usually finish my share!)
* salad (same as yesterday)
* apple
* fresh pineapple
* juice of carrot, apple, celery, beet, lemon
* small spoot of pie filling

Cutting back on fats

Posted on 2007.04.24 at 13:02
I've been cutting back a bit on the fats. Now I'm craving pizza, so I know I'm not ready to cut back as much as I've been doing. :-P It's interesting that if you listen to what it is your body is asking for, it's not really the food you think, but rather something *in* that food. For the pizza, I ask myself what it is that I am really wanting and it is the fat. In the past it was the fat *and* the salt of the pizza. This time it's just the fat. So, I'll have some more fats later today.

* chopped apples with freshly grated cinnamon
* banana
* salad (green leaf lettuce, pepitos, Brazil nuts chopped, lemon, olive/flax oil, salt, garlic powder, sweet peppers, cucumber)
* not peanutbutter cookie (walnuts, almond butter, honey, salt, vanilla)
* carob coconut shake

frozen produce

Posted on 2007.04.23 at 12:00
When we went shopping yesterday, an entire case of produce was frozen or frost bitten. It seemed like they were just going to leave it there for people to buy. :-( The bagged salad greens and strawberries got it the worst, it seemed. Most of the greens were crunchy from being so frozen. So, we didn't buy any bagged salads to go with the heads of lettuce like we usually do. I like the bags for the ease of it all. I was a little upset that they didn't clear out all of that produce, since it's all going to just turn to mush when it's thawed.

* banana
* large romaine salad (with pepitos, olive/flax oil, garlic powder, salt, lemon)
* banana
* sweet peppers, cucumber, thyme and a bit of salt, lemon, and oil
* juice (carrot, apple, celery, beet, lemon)

mostly a fruit day

Posted on 2007.04.22 at 16:50
I've had mostly a fruit day, so far. I rarely do that, since I'm not overly drawn to fruits and I'm always a bit leary of the sugar spikes now that I know I have insulin resistance/PCOS. However, eating only fruit for this morning and afternoon filled me with lots of energy and I didn't get sugar spikes/falls. I could have been filled with energy because of the gorgeous day outside, however. ;-) I spent a few hours in the park and also did some grocery shopping.

* Umm...I have no idea how many oranges and bananas I ate today! I lost count. I'm guessing maybe four, or so, bananas and maybe six or more oranges.

* cabbage

* small drink of young coconut water/meat with lime, vanilla, agave

* rest of coconut drink

* banana


Posted on 2007.04.21 at 11:50
Last night when I went to bed, I felt a bit of a belly ache. This morning after I ate a banana, I felt a little sick to my stomach, again. I felt like I really wanted some fresh OJ, so when my husband was out getting his weekend bagel he picked up some organic oranges for me. I juiced them and now I feel a lot better. I think I'm fighting the cold that he has, but I'm just not getting the normal symptoms.

* banana
* about one cup fresh oj
* banana
* last of the fudge
* cabbage
* carob shake


Posted on 2007.04.20 at 11:56
I've had a small headache that refuses to leave for the past three, or four, days. My ears are feeling a bit more blocked than normal, so maybe it's something to do with that. My husband is sick--has sore throat, stuffed up head, cough--and my daughter has a bit of a runny nose and said her throat was hurting a bit. So, maybe I'm fighting something and I'm not getting all of the symptoms. I don't know. It could be stress, also, from not being able to get to a place of peace, yet, about something that was upsetting to me. It's strange how when something gets you off balance, it's not always so easy to get back to a place of peace again. It's probably harder for me this time because I feel so vulnerable and exposed lately. Anyway, whatever is causing the headaches, I really wish it would end. I've had more than my share of headaches already in my lifetime. This morning I debated whether I wanted to take some Advil, but then I decided I didn't want to do that to my body--to give it something that it had to process and eliminate as a poison when it's already working hard to recover itself from so many years of not eating enzyme-rich foods.

* carob coconut shake (usual way)
* leftover lettuce
* carob fudge (after eating this "junk" my headache started to fade)
* lots of water
* juice (carrot, apple, celery, lemon)
* carob fudge

coconut shakes

Posted on 2007.04.19 at 11:28
I had a coconut shake this morning, since I'm out of the house until about 2:00. Those shakes are pretty filling. I brought along a banana and some Brazil nuts, too, in case I get hungry. I'm mostly thirsty, however.

Last night I had a slight headache the entire evening. I still have it today, but it's not very strong. It could be from hormones switching my period off, or it could be a cold that I'm fighting and not showing any symptoms from (husband has sore throat and runny nose, daughter has sore throat). It will be interesting if everyone has a cold and I don't get all of the symptoms.

My dream last night was about eating cooked food. I ate palak paneer, a lot of it, and wanted to take more home with me. Then I realized I had eaten cooked food and I was shocked that I did it and didn't realize what I was doing. I wonder if dehydrating that green thai curry last night cooked it slightly?

* carob coconut shake (made usual way)
* LOTS of water--maybe because of the spicy dish last night?
* veggie stir not fry
* small amount of daughter's leftover coconut shake
* simple salad with arugula and red bib(I think that's what it was called) lettuce with olive oil, lemon, salt, garlic powder
* banana date smoothie with vanilla extract


Posted on 2007.04.18 at 09:40
Today's breakfast was yummy. My throat hurts a tiny bit (as it always does after eating strawberries), but it was worth it. :-)

* Strawberries with "cream" (coconut water and meat, few strawberries, two dates, large handful almonds, little agave, vanilla, dash salt)
* banana
* small bowl of thai green curry veggies
* avocado with lemon and chat masala
* bowl of thai green curry veggies
* two dates
* one brazil nut

I love having my period

Posted on 2007.04.17 at 09:41
I love having my period. Maybe most women don't, but I do. It's probably because my cycles are so irregular and when my period finally starts it feels like I'm "normal" for at least the duration of my period. The best part, however, is knowing that my body is cleansing itself in a way. I feel like each time my period comes, it's a fresh start.

* banana
* baby romaine and arugula salad with flax and olive oil, lemon juice, salt, garlic powder, pepitos
* carob coconut shake (regular way)
* one date
* chopped sweet peppers, onion, avocado with lemon, olive oil, chat masala

hormonal eating

Posted on 2007.04.16 at 18:24
So, maybe I have been eating based on my hormones the past week, or so (in addition to stress eating). :-P My period *finally* is here, after about two weeks of trying to start. My shoulder is in extreme pain (seems to come with my period).

* chopped apples with freshly grated cinnamon
* mixed salad greens, arugula, flax oil, olive oil, lemon, salt
* 3 or 4 bananas
* little bit of fudge that was leftover

quick weekend update

Posted on 2007.04.15 at 14:19
Here's a quick weekend update. I went shopping today and it cost us a whole lot, as usual. We came away with a fridge full of veggies and fruits, nuts and seeds, too.

Anyway, while there I gave my daughter $10 to buy her "junk" for the week. She chose frozen waffles (we usually pay for these), sandwich cookies, jelly beans, wafers, nut ball, and a smoothie. She ended up spending more of her own money for this stuff, too, since it was over $10. These were all healthier versions of junk, but still not overly healthy. I wanted to see what she'd buy for her snacks if she had an allowance set aside for it. I was happy that she first asked, "So, you are still getting lots of fruit for snacks and that isn't counting, right?" :-D She'll most likely have these snacks for about two weeks, or more, but we'll see.

* two pieces of carob coconut fudge
* two bananas (not eaten one right after the other, since bananas are filling to me)
* 3/4 avocado eaten with lemon juice and chat masala
* small piece of carob coconut fudge
* leftover parsley, tomato salad
* large piece of carob coconut fudge (on lazy days I eat too much junk like this)

eating less fats

Posted on 2007.04.14 at 11:40
I think I might try eating less fats. If I still desire them, however, I'll follow what my body is saying. I don't desire the nuts I eat, I desire the awesome tastes/dishes I make out of them. I rarely see nuts and seeds and want to eat them plain. So, maybe I'll try to find more tasty ways to eat dishes that don't include a lot (or any) nuts and see how I feel.

For now, I am asking myself about my precious baby coconuts. Do I still desire them as I did in the beginning? I don't get that physical happiness as much anymore, but I still certainly love eating them. I'll have to think about that for a while. For now, I'll still pick up the case that I have for this Sunday. I would hate to be without them and realize how much I desire them.

My overeating for those few days put me up two pounds, but they are gone already. However, that puts me behind by two pounds this month. :-/ Oh, well. It's all a learning thing, really. I did learn a lot--that I did, in fact, used to overeat at times to soothe myself. I see now that my body doesn't really desire that if there aren't opiates in the foods to medicate me.

I'm struggling with the whole protein issue. It makes so much sense that eating fruits and veggies, which contain small amounts of protein, will eventually equal enough in one day for a healthy body. There's all that learning, however, about protein being so important and a vital part of a diet. Not only that, there's the recent information that I learned about eating a balanced way with protein to offset higher carb foods in order to eleviate insulin resistance/PCOS problems. But, I don't desire the protein foods much. It's not like I'm wishing I had meat, meat substitutes, etc. I don't even crave dairy much and when I do, and I really ask myself what it is that I want from it, it's the salty, fatty flavor that I want.

Maybe I'll stick to my coconut shakes in the morning with the hemp protein and almonds, but then not add any more nuts/fats to my foods during the day and see how that makes me feel. I feel like I'm ready for a change, that I've reached a point where I'm starting to feel more sluggish and I need to change something in my diet. So, I'll start with cutting back on nuts and seeds (and therefore protein), checking to see if I feel better.

I wrote a list of foods from an article I read, foods that are supposed to help the body heal itself/be less stress on the body. I found it interesting that as I wrote those foods down, some of them really popped out as something my body would like to consume more of: lemons, apples, lettuce, celery. Three of the foods were less strong: grapefruit (which I don't really care for?!), spinach, cabbage. I love onions, so I was surprised that onions didn't pop out at me. The things that didn't really seem very high on my list were: oranges, tomatoes (actually feel an aversion to the thought of a tomato, even though I eat them all the time), grapes, carrots (I never would have guessed that I wouldn't be drawn to carrots, since they are supposed to be so healing), beet greens. Those were the foods on the list and I'll try to consume a lot of the ones that were really popping out at me for the next week.

Now that I look over those that I had a strong feeling for, I can see them being a yummy juice: lemons, apples, lettuce, celery. I wonder if adding ginger to all of that would cause more work for my body? It looks like a drink that would be great with some ginger, too. :-D

* Carob coconut shake (young coconut meat and water, banana, three dates, three tablespoons carob powder, three handfulls almonds) *No hemp today, as I am out of it until tomorrow when I shop

* Carrot, tomato salad with onions and some walnut taco "meat"

* Carob coconut fudge (obviously not starting the lower fat day today!)


Posted on 2007.04.13 at 13:39
* Large not peanut butter cookie

* Avocado

* Carrot Parsley salad with lemon, olive oil, chat masala

* medium not peanut butter cookie

* Leftover carrot parsley salad with 1/2 an avocado

* leftover not peanut butter cookie

I had too much fat this day and now the following morning I'm feeling like my body didn't digest everything, yet.

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